She smiles as she watches the little ones dance around. She wishes she could join them and feel that freedom to lose herself in the music once again. But she can't. She wishes she could go back to being the caregiver, but she can't. She is the one who needs help now. She feels bound by her frustrations, downed by her limitations....even her singing is different. The joy is gone, replaced by a kind of sadness. Little things hurt more than ever, and words cut deeper than before. Small slips and scares, she hates being afraid. She longs for the day when she can walk back onto that stage and sing her heart out without the fetters that bind her now. What others saw as her disability she saw as her ticket to freedom and now that it's been taken away from her, she's like a fly stuck in a spider's web, trying so desperately to fly out of it. Today she feels tired. Even though she knows she needs to keep going, keep trying to free herself, she feels more stuck than ever. A song comes back to her, reaching down through the ages, the familiar strains lifting her spirits. She's got to keep trying, got to keep going. Her freedom will come back, she can break the binds of this web. She sees the mountainous task before her and she takes a deep breath, cautiously trying out the notes again, remembering the melody. She closes her eyes, begins to sing, wavering on the high notes, until she becomes more secure, until she lets the words speak to her. No room for despair, no room for fear, only room for determination. Time to pull that stubborn tenacity out of the closet once again. She used to meet challenges head on, how could this sideline her so easily? Todo lo puedo en Cristo que me fortalace. She dreams that she sings like before, that she dances like before....it will come back. Her feet will remember and her voice will sparkle again.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to do all as before
I'm sad that I'm missing so much now
Where did my strength go?
Why did my spirit leave me like that?
My leg got taken away and I lost myself
That shouldn't have happened
Stuck waiting for the pain to knab me again
No, not this time
I will work through the pain
I did it before
I wish I was a child again
Safe my Mom's arms
Dad carrying me into the ocean
Never worried that I'd lose my independence
Oblivious to the worth of my prosthesis
Innocently singing my dreams
Not knowing the battle for them
Dancing a dance of faith
Riding that horse all by myself
Closing my eyes and feeling
Just for a moment
Like I was perfect in heaven
Gussie used to lick my tears away
When I'd come home heartbroken from school
I used to hate that leg with a passion
I saw it as my shame in a way
But I grew up and wiser
I began to love that leg
With it I could be as normal as you
I could dance, at first not so gracefully
It let me do things I never dreamed I could
It gave me my freedom
It was my blessing to bear, not my burden
It didn't matter what others saw, but what I saw
Oh I loved my leg, it was my friend at all times
Maybe now it's getting a rest
But when I look at it
It looks as forlorn as I
Sadly leaning in a corner
See, it gave me freedom, but I gave it life
It was just as much a part of me, my body

Don't worry my friend
I'm not down for the count
I'll get up and we'll be back on our feet
I can almost hear my old songs
Hope hasn't died, just got dimmed
We'll get you some new padding
So my stump doesn't hurt as the old callouses return
I'll get my little leg strong again
So you feel useful once more
We'll put on a concert of joy pretty soon I think
Cause I'm not down for the count
I'll get up and we'll be back on our feet

We used to make music, you and I
I long for the day
We can reach up to the sky
We can laugh and sing
Where the words are bright
And the tone not dark
And I get my voice back
And you get your foot back
And we make music again

We're not down for the count
You and me
Just you wait
I'll get up and we'll be back on our feet