Overwhelmed by grace I fall to my knees
I wait as Your peace floods my soul
Your Spirit blesses like a gentle breeze
It's only in You that I am whole

It's only in Your will that I am free
I leave my burdens behind
You walk shoulder to shoulder with me
Your love is like no other I could find

I lift my arms in total praise
Palms stretched outward to receive
Your blessing or to skim the blaze
Of your glory, the whole of which I cannot conceive

Your presence floods my being
I'm lost for words to express my devotion
Even the worship that I sing
Is inadequate measure of my emotion

I can't explain the freedom found in Your grace
I can only imagine the day when I can fully see You
To be with You face to face
And express how thankful I am for all You do

I see my undeserving self and marvel at Your
Goodness, and bask in Your Mercy anew
I long to live a life that is Holy and Pure
Set apart, Lord for You

So consecrate me for Your purpose
Sanctify me by the power of Your forgiveness
I claim your covenant of peace with us
And walk in joy, compassion and fullness

These Scriptures have really spoken to me recently and provided a lot of comfort. I used to walk in God's peace and then I turned away from it. It is so freeing to turn back towards God's loving arms and walk in His peace. I love the second passage, where it says that no matter what goes wrong, no matter how bad it might be, God is compassionate and His love never fails and His peace never leaves you. The last verse reminds me not to spend too much time worrying, but to bring my requests before God and leave my anxiety with Him. I love the beauty of the first passage, it's a few verses from Psalm 119 that I pulled out that really hit home with me when I was reading it recently. I was tired and I needed to be reminded of God's unfailing love, and find my comfort again. I needed to accept God's compassion and seek it, rather than striking out on my own. Because on my own I was failing miserably. To live is Christ, and in Him I can do all things because He strengthens me. I had lost sight of that, but not any longer.

28 My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
41 May your unfailing love come to me, O LORD,
your salvation according to your promise;
50 My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
77 Let your compassion come to me that I may live,
for your law is my delight......Psalm 119.

10 Though the mountains be shaken
and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for
you will not be shaken
nor my covenant of peace be removed,"
says the LORD, who has compassion on you......Isaiah 54.

5 Let your gentleness be evident to all.
The Lord is near.
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,
by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God,
which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.....Philippians 4

So here I am in Lexington, Virginia at Washington & Lee University where I used to attend for undergrad. I drove my best friend Miri to Law School here for her final (3rd) year. It's such a blessing to be here and have fellowship with her, be with people my age, and meet her friends here and see that she's got a nice group. I've also managed to meet up with the Baldwins, a wonderful couple who really looked after us (spiritually, and homesick-wise) during out time at W&L. I've seen a few people and faculty that I knew, and while last week most of my former professors were away on holiday, I am hoping that on Monday they'll be back in town so I can see them. I didn't realize just how much I missed this place until I drove in last Tuesday and it felt like I was coming home. I lived here most of my summers doing research, so in a way it was home.

Being able to spend time with Miri has been so good for me, and being able to share my faith and personal struggles and pray over them with her has been such a blessing. For me I'd grown really lonely....and it's so nice to be with a friend who knows me at my weakest and still loves me! (Even though I can be a melodramatic baby sometimes -- right? hhmmmm -- for Miri's benefit) ; ) But I've enjoyed this little break of mine and I'm sad to be leaving in 2 days. I'm worried about the future and getting into a PhD program....I'm worried about being single at my age....I'm worried about finding a temporary job and a place to live....so that I can be independent as I was before Oxford and breaking my leg, and so my family doesn't have to make anymore financial sacrifices for me. I think I feel that burden the most. So it's been good to share this with Miri and pray over it and just trust that God is in control and that He does have plans to prosper me and not to harm me. I've been able to let go of a lot of the anger and frustration about my leg and redealing with my self esteem about it. So I'm getting back to my old self, or rather, returning to being Rachael, instead of "here I am, leg girl" : ) I need to learn how to rely on others rather than holding things inside me and trying to deal with them on my own. I think we can experience God's comfort and healing through others. So I'm glad it is with my best friend.

I miss my other friends too, and am trying to remember that the world is a lot smaller than me think, and I know that a day will come when I'll see them again. So, if you guys are reading this, I miss you all a lot, and think of you often.

You speak in whispers that I strain to hear
O, if only I could drown out the static
Just to hear You clearly, plainly

You speak in simple tones and words
But I somehow always manage to mangle them
I seem to lose their meanings

I long for Your embrace
I long to lose this fear; to be filled with Your peace
Why do I hasten and bustle, when I could rest in You

You tell me to stop and see You
I used to look for You in grandiose things
But I was mistaken

You, I found in life's simple beauty
A hawk flying free, a praying mantis on a flower,
A gentle ocean breeze, children's laughter

I look at Man and see Your sadness
We are tainted and bent, but O, save by Your grace
We can be made whole again

You give me eyes of compassion and love
You fill me with the Joy that is found in Your Spirit
Your sacrifice girds me with the strength and courage I need

O, to clear this noisy clutter from my head
I long to just hear Your still small voice
To be held in Your arms

I long for Your presence
To walk long hours with You
To sing my life song for You

Heal me by Your touch
Assuage the open wounds on my soul
Pick me up and send me on my way, O Lord

Here are some recent pictures of the girls in my life...my 'kids' ; )

Also the last two are from yesterday, when Cait had a party for me and Maggie.

So she's on stage
But there's no audience
She's alone in her thoughts
Reliving the words, the music
She smiles at each drum beat
At each piano melody
At each guitar solo
She remembers the face of every harmony
The song is never over

Her audience is only One
She sings to bring others together
She writes to bless
She has butterflies for friends
She sings songs of greater wisdom
Experience is her composer
Life is her venue
She's found new joys
They give her voice a richer tone

If only her hymns would erase pain
They can't, but they could ease it
She sings songs of comfort
Songs of release
Like she has found
Nothing compares to the freedom
Found in vulnerable expression
She knows no greater joy
Than ministering through her song

So sing with me now, close your eyes, open your soul, feel with your heart and release yourself to the beauty of life's song. Find the joy that is found in sharing your melody, in contributing to the world's harmony -- don't close yourself off and mute your horn, but play the song found on your lips.

If only we could all sing together -- we'd find our harmony's complement each other more than we could ever imagine.

I just copied a few of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes here, some with my thoughts on why I agree with or like them.

"Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point. "

I like this quote, because I think how true it could be. It takes courage to show mercy in the face of vengeance; courage to turn the other cheek; courage to show kindness in the face of evil; courage to smile in the face of hardship. Lewis is right in saying it's not just a virtue, but the expression of every virtue in the face of utmost brutality.


"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: What! You too? I thought I was the only one."

I'm writing in pink for Miri, hahaha! (Miri's favorite color, to my utmost chagrin is pink) This sounds just like us when we first met at school: "Hi, do you teach here? (my hair was short and very curly, something older women in Korea do, so Miri assumed I was older!)." me: "No, I'm new here, I'm a freshman." Miri: "Oh, me too. I'm an MK and my Dad is a minister" me: "Me too!" Us: "Will you be my best friend?" (smile, laugh!). (Not the full extent of the story, but our own take on it).

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. "

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives."

I like how Lewis says here that friendship is a substance of survival. While friendship may not be required to get through life, it sure makes a heck of a difference to survive life. For me, a life of solitude and loneliness would be insurmountable. I wouldn't survive. But, by the blessing of my friends over the years, I find life has a lot of beauty and joy to offer, and those little hardships we may meet along the way are survivable because of the love and affection of others.


"This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted."

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

Vulnerability means a freedom in a way (to me at least), to express yourself in the fullest extent, while opening yourself to receive others in their fullest extent. It doesn't always work out, and you do become possibly broken. But you are better off for taking the chance, and you learn more about yourself every time you do. Gosh, I could never lock my heart away in a casket......but I guess I could do more to wear it less on my sleeve than I do now. I never want my heart or love to be irredeemable....how awful would that be!?

"Do not let us mistake necessary evils for good."

Hello world? Hello U.S.A? Hello everyone? Evils are never necessary! They are a means to an end, and somehow never quite come out right....aka...never good!

"No one ever told me grief felt so much like fear."

Yes.

"Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

My God how I've learned, more times that I care to remember!

"Let's pray that the human race never escapes from Earth to spread its iniquity elsewhere."

"Long before history began we men have got together apart from the women and done things. We had time."

I love this quote....it just makes sense.

"The real Oxford is a close corporation of jolly, untidy, lazy, good-for-nothing humorous old men, who have been electing their own successors ever since the world began and who intend to go on with it. They'll squeeze under the Revolution or leap over it when the time comes, don't you worry."

I needed to have an Oxford quote in for good measure....and I found it quite funny and interestingly accurate.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."