I was telling Miri the other day that I feel like Mary and Joseph finding no room at the Inn...despite all of my own efforts, I haven't been able to find a reasonable job to suppport myself until i return to grad school. I'm living with my sister temporarilty and it seems like melodrama follows me everywhere, preventing me from settling down. So, long story very short, i can't stay with Caitlin much longer due to roomate issues. (Basically I've become the scapegoat for apartment issues/boyfriend problems that were there long before I arrived, but conveniently came to a head while I was there). I want to tell Miri that it's such a blessing in the storm to come and stay with her. No strings attached, no discomfort around strangers (her friends are pretty cool), and that's not to say Cait's friends aren't very nice either. I've gotten to know Michelle pretty well, and she was a good study buddy, explained genetics to me (which started out so badly, when she told me to point to the square representing the male in the pedigree and i point to the circle representing the female....seriously, I did just that...sometimes I'm hopeless!) ; ) And Michelle lets me come over and watch tv with her! And Cait's other roomate Jess seems very nice.

But it is true, I need to get settled on my own. I was always independent/self - sufficient before i broke my leg in Oxford...and now i've been relying on others to take me in until I find something. I've come to realize that no matter how many job applications or grad school applications I send out, unless I'm seeking God's will in that, unless I'm following where He's leading and not where stubborn Rach wants to go or thinks she should, then things will fall into place. Before I lost control of my leg, I was totally trusting in God's will for my life, and content to let Him lead...then when disaster struck me at my most vulnerable part, both physically and emotionally, i just holed up inside...i felt disabled both figuratively and literally. It's taken some time to release these things to God and place my trust more fully in Him than before. He didn't break my leg, and in the midst of that darkness, He is still glorified...who am I to stop Him from using me for His purposes? In Him I am fully capable, why fear? In Him I can do all things....I might be slower now, I might be more timid, but His strength is the strength of my life. I know He'll put me where I'm supposed to be and with the people I'm supposed to be with.

Miri: (see pink font for you!) Thanks, for seeing the big pictures in my life, for not allowing me to wallow in self distress, for having compassion and loving me despite my many and frequent weaknesses. For edifying words, and gentle admonishments...God's really used you. I want you to be bold, walking in faith that God's going to use you and your law degree to serve others, not just as a typical lawyer, but as Isaiah says, bringing light to those in captivity and breaking free the prisoners in darkness. He's got big plans, and maybe now is the time to walk in faith, without seeing the end goal, but knowing you are straining towards it. Don't be discouraged when work gets hard at school, God honors your efforts. I'm excited for your future, and for what God's going to accomplish in and through you. So, do not be discouarged, do not fear, the Lord is with you and will go whever you may go. Never alone -- a powerful covenant to hold fast to. So even though I might not be around all the time, remember you're never alone, and I'm always praying for you.

I'm in Lexington now, studying like mad for the Advanced Bio GRE. Miri has an exam too on Saturday, the MPRE (I think professional responsibility exam). So we're both keeping each other going! It's so nice to be back in a familiar place with a friend who's like a sister. We're kind of like little old ladies, it's pretty funny.

I got to briefly see many of my old biology professors this time, and will visit more thoroughly next week (after the exam!). Miri's friend are all nice again.

It was also really neat. When I arrived on Sunday, I went with Miri to the worship practice for GCF (the christian fellowship that I used to be worship leader for, for 3 years). She plays flute again (we were together on the team for those 3 years). And so I went to the practice, and they invited me to sing with them. It was nice, to sing some of our songs we always sang and learn a new one. And they still have my 'Big Box of Worship' ; ) Miri told me she keeps claiming ownership to it! haha. GCF is so small now, but it's made up of a good crew. I like the new Intervarsity staff worker. It did feel weird not recognizing many faces.....felt so nostalgic for old times again.

Anyways, I better get back to studying.......Must do well on this test!!

Oh! And ofcourse, bought stuff to make my 'world famous' mint chocolate brownies.....just need to find the time to bake them! ; ) (I think Miri's counting on that!)

Been reading more C.S. Lewis poetry and the poem below is one of the one's I've really come to love. It's kind of funny, seems like every time I come down to Lexington to visit Miri, I'm reading C.S. Lewis. Last time in August, it was his Trilogy.

NO BEAUTY WE COULD DESIRE

Yes, you are always everywhere. But I,
Hunting in such immeasurable forests,
Could never bring the noble Hart to bay.

The scent was too perplexing for my hounds;
Nowhere sometimes, then again everywhere.
Other scents, too, seemed to them almost the same.

Therefore I turn my back on the unapproachable
Stars and horizons and all musical sounds,
Poetry itself, and the winding stair of thought.

Leaving the forests where you are pursued in vain
-- Often a mere white gleam -- I turn instead
To the appointed place where you pursue.

Not in Nature, not even in Man, but in one
Particular Man, with a date, so tall, weighing
So much, talking Aramaic, having learned a trade;

Not in all food, not in all bread and wine
(Not, I mean, as my littleness requires)
But this wine, this bread. . . no beauty we could desire.

(C.S. Lewis)