FAITHFUL FRIEND

July 26, 1992 - November 25, 2005

My dog, Gussie Sophia, was put to sleep last Friday. The day after Thanksgiving. My parents didn't tell me until that morning because they didn't want to upset me. But let me say, it broke my heart. I knew Gussie was old for a labrador, and that she was becoming weak. But I never envisioned not being able to say goodbye to my friend. I had wanted to be with her when she went, I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that she was the best dog anyone could ever ask for, that she was a good girl, that she would never be forgotten. Some of you met my dog, either in person, or in the pictures on my wall. She was a sweet dog, a good reader of people, no-nonsense, motherly, the best listener, and she was a huge part of my family. I felt like I was losing a sister or a beloved friend. I could only say good-bye in my head and heart as I counted down the hours and minutes until 4:30pm on that day. I kept calling and pleading with my parents, feeling like I was fighting for her life, for the both of us. I was away from home during my college years and then another year in Oxford, and I didn't get to say my good-byes. I didn't want her to go without having her ears scratched one more time, I wanted her to have as many doggy biscuits as she wanted, I wanted her to play with the frisbee in the house. I wanted her to be like I remembered her, vivacious, full of life, affectionate. I just wasn't ready to let go or say good-bye. I saw her 3 weeks ago before coming back to Boston, but was so rushed to get to the airport, that I never got to say good-bye. I never imagined my parents would do this without letting me know. Without giving me a chance to say good-bye to her. It hurt a lot, and I know that the decision was made with the best of intentions and that she was the family's dog and not just my own, but I would have wanted to know.

Thanksgiving was already too difficult and it wouldn't have been ruined had I known or atleast been able to let it sink in that Gussie was going to be put to sleep. My Nana got angry with me and yelled at me all morning as I tried to make mashed potatoes in record time. The night before my cousin, who is bi-polar, had lost his temper with me and said some extremely hurtful things. It just wasn't my best week, and to top it off, I was told that I would not be able to say good-bye to the one 'friend' who loved me unconditionally. The dog who grew up with me, who was there for me, and that put me over the top.

We all miss our chances to say good-bye to loved ones, or to let them know how we feel. I just thought, wow, if I left the world at this point in time, I would leave with so much hurt and bitterness. My cousin has a mental health problem, and he's a kid. Sure, he knew what he was saying, but he was beyond control. My Nana has Alzheimer's, and yes, I was running late, but I was sick that day, and she was stressed out and having a forgetful day. Sure, she blamed me for ruining her Thanksgiving, but to be honest, the dinner with family was nice. I got to see my cousins that I hadn't seen in a while, and my have those boys grown up. They're not boys anymore....and I remember helping to feed them as babies! My Dad loves Gussie as much as I do, and I know it broke his heart too. He felt the time had come regardless of personal feelings, that Gussie was too weak to carry on. We're all hurting. I don't like feeling bitterness, and when you let hurt feelings fester they can grow deep roots leading to anger and those roots are bitterness. Despite how much injustice you might feel has been done to you or has been done in general, you need to let go. For your own sake, and you'll find that relationships mend. I love my cousin, my Nana and my Dad. I loved Gussie. The ties that bind have to be stronger than the hurt that separates.

So, I'd like to write my dog, my faithful friend, my Gussie Sophia. I'd like to say my good-bye in my own way. I cried so many tears that Friday and I recalled so many memories, and all I wanted to do was hug her one more time and get a kiss on my cheek.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me
I remember we got to see you right after you were born
We didn't know it was you then, you were just "Miss Pink"
You had so many cute brothers and sisters
But you captured my Dad's heart first
You came home and three hours later I lost you
You had run away from me into the woods
You just wanted to explore
And I was a devastated ten year old
I ran inside and told Dad
He was mad
Then he went out and you were right back in the yard
He brought you in and I was crying so hard
You ran over, jumped into my arms and
You kissed my tears away.
You said, hey, I'm here, I'm fine
I'm a stinker
Do you remember 'snuffer?"
That was the game we played as kids
You used to love digging up and chewing rocks
We'd stand on the stump and throw them into the woods
And you'd go in and try to 'snuff' them out
But you made the funniest noise
You snorted like a pig as you searched
We loved it, we laughed every time
You loved the snow, we used to play 'catch' with snowballs
You'd run everywhere, trying to catch it as it fell
You'd dig into it
You used to pull the leash out of our hands
And run away down the street into Mr. Frye's garden
You'd dig it up every time
You'd run the the dumpster
You'd run into the woods
We had to trick you back into the van
You used to like cats
But one scratched you when you tried to play
And that was it....cats were public enemy number one
I remember you growled at that mean boy
He had called me pegleg and made fun of me
The teacher told his parents
His dad had brought him to the house to apologize
You kept looking at him and growled the whole time
You were just a puppy then, but you were smart
You figured he wasn't nice
You always read people to a tee
You never liked the ones who eventually would hurt one of us
You loved kids though, always a favorite
Everyone knew Gussie
From New Hampshire to Pennsylvania, you grew up with us
We used to get in trouble for all the holes you dug up in the yard
Remember when I'd come home crying from school?
You'd follow me up to my room
And I'd plop down on the floor, crying
And you'd put your head on my shoulder or
Try to kiss away all the tears?
I loved you so much!
You put up with so much too
Remember when I tried to 'train' you like a horse?
I had you running circles around me on a long rope
Gosh, you poor thing....those were the days
You used to chew anything wooden, you loved sticks
You were a regular vacuum cleaner, you ate everything
Toula would spit out veggies, but you'd gobble them up
You used to 'eat like a lady' and take the treats from my hand
As daintily as you could, rather than snap them up
We used to make you 'sit pretty' or 'dance' and you even 'crawled' for us once
But you were always offering your paw. Your best
You were the worst begger ever, you'd first whine
And then growl if we ignored you!
But you were never vicious
You were always gentle, even in play
Your growl and bark were loud, but I never took you seriously
Gus, I remember in Pennsylvania when I was home alone
I took you outside and the neighbor's pitbull got loose
He was running towards us in the churchyard
I had never seen you react
You started to walk with me back to the house
But he kept coming
So you jumped between him and me and snarled
You were a different dog
He bit you and you fought back....
I kicked him with my fake leg and finally his owner came over
Tried to say it was our fault
Um....no, he had run across the street, across the churchyard into ours
You were protecting me
I was so worried about you, I went inside crying
I kept looking for cuts, but found none
You were okay, thank God
You would never let any harm come to us
I remember when you tore all the ligaments in your knee
I slept downstairs on the floor with you for days
I'd wake up and you'd be crying
I was so afraid of losing you
You were seven then, and I needed you
We all felt so bad
When you had the surgery to repair the damage
We were so relieved, and it was then you must have known
We would do anything for you
My fondest times with you though were all those nights you'd come into my room
To 'check' on me, or else try to kick me off my bed so you could sleep there!
When you were a puppy you used to sleep on our stomaches
Lying on the couch or in bed
But soon you got to be pretty big
Eventually you stopped, but you always had to sleep with one of us
You usually picked me
I don't know why, maybe because I'd let you up, and I'd
Sleep in the most uncomfortable position, but I'd still do it
And I'd give you my blanket
Haha, yes, Nunny, we used to call you that too
You had me at first glance
When I used to have Mom and Dad's old bed
You'd have your own side and I'd have mine
There's a picture of you from when I was in high school
We had driven back from Massachusetts and
Picked you up at the kennel
I was sick and went to bed
The bed was against the wall one one side, and I was asleep
Somehow you managed to climb into bed under the covers
You climbed over me, I guess
But there's a picture of me sleeping with only my hair sticking out
And your nose!
I woke up all warm and cosy and you were asleep
With your head on my shoulder
You wanted to be with me when I was sick
You were always looking out for us
You were always concerned
You were always family
Gussie, you were the one
I could be completely myself with
You listened to me go on and on about meaningless things
But you were patient
You gave hugs and kisses
You did things without expecting treats or rewards
You were friendly and mild mannered
You put up with me trying to put hats and scarves on you
Trying to teach you the latest trick
Every scrape, burn, bruise or scratch you were there for
You always made me feel better
I told you all my secrets and you kept them
You used to lick my stump when I'd have those painful pinches
You were careful with me
I remember when I was young thinking about this day
I would cry and cry
I couldn't imagine life without you
You were that constant faithful friend
I used to scratch you behind the ears, and on your neck
Just knew your spots
I grew up and you grew old
It was inevitable and a race against time
I hope and pray you're in a better place
Where you can go swimming and run around
Where you can still feel the love we all had for you
But I wanted to tell you thank you
You loved unconditionally, and you loved back
I used to argue with friends that a dog can love back
You proved me right
You were a good dog, the best companion
And I was so blessed to be your family
You meant the world to me and I talked about you to everyone
Saying good bye is never easy and even my words today are inadequate
You were irreplacable and I treasure every moment I shared with you
You never saw me as different
And you gave me hope to never give up
I always had you to come home to
I'll always come home to you in my heart
I love you Gussie Sophia
You were my faithful friend, my sister

I will never forget coming home after two weeks away in high school
You greeted me with crying and wouldn't leave my side
You kept jumping up and barking at me
As if to say, "how could you leave me?"
Especially alone with Jared, huh?
You tried to unpack my suitcase when I left for college
You took my neatly folded clothes out
You grabbed the back of my shirt
I was crying when I left you
I cried when I said good-bye and left for Oxford
I thought it would be the last
You out lived all of our expectations
I'm sorry I couldn't be there with you
I wanted so desperately to be there
I felt guilty leaving you alone
I still do in a way
I remember talking to you on the phone when I'd call home
I'm sorry I didn't do that on Friday
I didn't want to cry and for you to get upset
You would be, because you always cared when we cried
I wanted you to have a good day
I heard you slept for most of it
I hope you had happy dreams, because I know you used to dream
You'd wake up barking or running in your sleep
I hope you were able to go having a peaceful happy dream
I would have wanted that for you
I miss you a lot
I will never forget you
I love you, Gus-Gus
You were a great dog