The last few weeks have been both incredible, sad, and scary, and now I have reached my last night in Oxford, sitting alone with my thoughts....she smiles as a tear slides down her cheek.

Where to begin?? Let's just list the important events....am all senti already ;)

Lots of sad farewells since Mitashi's: Stuti's in particular, Chandru too....Chandru how did your huge suprise go? I am sure your family was so happy to see you, the best surprise for a mother is to see her children! Stuti, I am praying for you and yours...what a privilege to see your parents again and meet your brother. I am thinking of you often...and hey, I love the rings you left...I can wear them on both feet! and the bags are beautiful...thank you. I will come to see you in Ahmdebad ofcourse!

I graduated!!! Yeah!!! I'll get pics from Saranya later, but I had part of my Oxford 'family' there: bhaiyahji Saranya, anuj Aman, and ofcourse, Aarti, meri pyaari dost! Who happened to have so much guts, she doused me with champagne and half the population of oxford too ;) hehe...thanks guys, it meant so much to look up and see you all waving at me! : ) So, I am now: Rachael Elaina Mallis, MSc...hm...nawww...just call me Rach still please....i haven't changed that much.

There were many nice get togethers and parties, with some crazy head banging by Sri and Saranya...oh guys...please send me a copy of that video or else put in on the OIS website!!!!!! :D

But there was also the fateful night, which brings me to my quiet reflection. I'm stuck now with nothing to do and no one around....and can't move out on my own. Haha, those who know me best know I am the most independent person ever, in terms of physical movements...and here I am stuck, unable to move, and it's not because of my prosthesis, it's because of another injury. I am in a full blue cast (which I will try to get ppl to sign!) on my whole little leg!!

What happened? Well, the singer broke her leg (literally) on stage ;) Yes...I slipped on some water in the kitchen while going for water at my graduation party, and dislocated my knee. I can laugh and joke now...but I have to be honest, it was the most horrible pain I have ever felt in my entire life....I kept screaming out for Saranya. I saw my knee too....and that was the scariest part...and I think I really was one of those 'trouble' patients...I fought the pain medicine...I just had trouble thinking beyond the pain and when I tried to think of something else, tried to breathe deeply, all I could think of was, "oh great, you've done a number on yourself" or "oh God!! please don't let them take off my prosthesis" or "Saranya, make the pain stop"....I guess it was pretty dramatic...but you know what, I wouldn't have done it anywhere else. All of my friends were there with me....Manjari was amazing, she held me the whole time and kept talking to me in my ear, Saranya ofcourse was there, and held my knee and explained everything that was going on...he took incredible care of me....Aman was there, he called the ambulance, and has arranged for taxis to get me from here to there, Aarti tried to lift me when I initially fell and could you believe the girl, she did. Sridhar was there, Halim was there, Niranjan was there, Sarah was there, Divya was there....All these guys...they packed a bag for me, Manjari and Saranya came to the hospital in the ambulance with me, and all of these guys have visited me at Manjari's and sat with me for hours. I am so blessed to have such friends.....

And I had plans too...I was hoping to cook a final dinner goodbye for all of them, I was hoping to go buy gifts to leave behind....deliver letters telling each one how much they mean...but maybe I don't have to...Maybe everyone knows how much I care and appreciate them. I hope so....(pause, crying now....have been trying to be funny or atleast have good humor, but it's not working)....

There's a song that I keep singing in the back of my head...you know I've sung in Indonesian, Hindi mostly, and even Spanish for everyone, but haven't sung an English song. The one I would've sung to say goodbye is this one....it applies to all of my friends here, both near and dear....and those who have left...those who remain....first let me say, the hardest part of holding on is letting go.... ;) it's time for me to let go...and I so desperately don't want to.

When I'm down, when my soul's in need of rest
Come your words of comfort and of hope
I see your face, always smiling back at me
A stream of light shining straight to the heart

Child of God, Child of Light
There'll be no more lonely nights
Cause you have brightened up my life
There's a road that leads me to this place
A path of love, running straight to the heart

Over the years, I've learned one important thing
It's that real friends
Shall never truly be apart
You were there in my darkest time of need
With a hand, reaching straight to the heart

Child of God, Child of LIght
There'll be no more lonely nights
Cause you have brightened up my life
Take this gift, it is all I have to give
A prayer of love, forever straight to the heart

So, now tonight I will stay my last night at Saranya's place, and I think have Shreya crashed....aaahh, more crying...Mom, Cait, you'd be so happy (Shreya, Cait loves you, haha...you took her place, seriously!)...Shreya plucked my eyebrows for the first time for my graduation! Woo-hoo...miracles can happen, eh? So tonight, she's gonna trim my hair, make me slightly presentable, so when I reach the US of A again...I'll look American....but...I'll talk, dress, and eat like an Indian tho!

I hate goodbyes, but I always want to make sure I tell each person how I feel....I want them to know incase we don't meet again. I want them to know just how much this year has meant to me, how much each one has given me, how much I cannot ever repay, how much I love them, how much I've learned from them, how much I'll miss them, and how much.....how much....how much i love them again....

Oxford is just a place, but the people that I have met...my friends, my 'family,' they made it home. I feel almost like I am leaving home again. And I wish it didn't hurt so much....it hurts more deeply than any dislocated knee ever could.