Here I am in Chocolate Country.....aka Hershey, PA, USA. I'm staying with Caitlin for a few more days, and then it's off to Jared's graduation and Navy commissioning. I'm excited for him, I think the Navy will be good for him. It's been fun, but if you can believe it, the only chocolate i've had here is not Hershey's, but Cadbury's!!!!! :) What can I say, nothing tops it. :)

After Jared's grad this weekend, I will be back outside DC at my parent's house job hunting in the city. I need to get a job or find a research position. So I'm completely focused on it, as I'm finally done with Physio....yes!!! And I know I'll be at my parents, and have a place to stay for the next few months while I get my life back in order. Boston, unfortunately just didn't work out for me. Have exercises to continue at home, and I even drove Maggie to the vets with Cait, so am driving a bit. Admittedly, very slow and a bit jerky, but hey, it's been a long time and the last time i drove was in England, on the opposite side of the road, opposite side of the car!

This new prosthesis i have is crap.....sadly, this is the worst experience i've ever had getting a new prosthesis. It certainly doesn't help when the guy has never worked with the type of foot before, sees the leg as something to keep hidden, not an extension of my own body, and does a third-rate job on it. The skin is already peeling off and today I bought a pair of sandals with a small heel and went to adjust the ankle, like I could with the old leg, and broke the bloody thing internally....the 'soft lining' tore around the whole front of the ankle under the fake skin and now I've got a huge indent in the ankle. To be honest, i feel like, 'the heck with it,' and will hope to find a job that provides a good health plan where I can get the kind of leg I should have gotten, especially for the cost of it. $5700, plus all the other recycled parts worth about $1000 from my old leg.....sigh....

You see, the leg I had when I dislocated my knee was my best one yet, with the fake skin, adjustable ankle, silicone bladder.....it fit so well and was fit into a mold of my good left leg. This prosthetist just took a light tracing of my leg on brown paper and that was it. This leg is so skinny and the ankle, apparantly was not stable. I couldn't believe it. I mean I guess it is kind of funny, I'm sitting there and then all of the sudden you hear this loud horrible pop/tear sound and I see this huge hole under the fake skin!!!! yikes....

But I guess I can learn to just be less self conscious....I mean it's been a long time since I felt ashamed almost about my leg. This one makes it so obvious that it's not real.

I think I know what I could have had and that's why I'm writing so cynically and bitterly about it.

So now it's on to a job or more studying. I'm looking forward to jumping back into the 'real world,' and want to get on with my life. Leg or no leg, I know I have overcome alot and can still overcome. I don't have to be hindered by my leg....i'm just a little worried that the bloody thing is going to fall apart on me!!! ; )

I'm lonely for my friends and spending time with them. I feel as though my parents are disappointed in me somehow, and they are calling all my relatives, including Cait, to get on my case about jobs, but I've been sending out my resume. It takes some time....it's not like jobs get back to you within the hour that you send in your application! Anyways, I just want to be back out on my own, independent, all debts paid, happy, around friends.....feeling better about myself....not self conscious, down, sarcastic, cynical.

So let's see what happens........