All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--But,
self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains.

(As the Ruin Falls, by C.S. Lewis)
-- One of my favourite authors


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

(The Road Not Taken, by Robert Frost)
-- one of my favourite poets

I got a new haircut today!!! Went a lot shorter than I've gone in a looonnngg time!!! Yikes! But I really like it. It looks better than the pictures, but trying to take a self portrait is harder than it first seemed! So, enjoy! Oh yeah, and the new specs, from Walmart....cheapest ones I could find....since the Evil One, aka my 'niece' Maggie ate my old pair of glasses! They're okay, but now I realize that I am even further developing into an old school marm look!

Okay, my update:

I just got home about 2 hours ago from taking the GRE. I have to tell you, after much trepidation through the math part, I was feeling pretty low. Then I was asked to do this random research part, so after completing that, and wanting to leave with my head hung low....my preliminary scores popped up.....and omigosh....holy "mother of pearl" (as my cousin would say)....I passed!!! (Not only passed, but did so with flying colours, and surprisingly enough scored even better on the maths section than verbal!!) So I'm not a dumbo after all!!! Am running on empty as I did power crunch study time, all nighters the last several days after convincing myself I don't know any English and my Math skills were never tested in the last 5 years.....So, whew...what a relief!

Miri, Abbie: you guys were right though, I managed to have time to edit my essays, and my grammar has gone down the tubes!!! Miri says that after spending so much time with international friends, I've lost my American grammar/accent and sound more like them : ) That's okay by me though! And American's grammar, as I found out when my first essay at Oxford was editted and graded, is not very good to begin with! : ) Unfortunately though, I've picked up quite the Boston accent....and I 'pahked my cah in the pahking lah-ot.' : ) I don't know. We all laughed last weekend because I remembered how to sing Mary Had a Little Lamb in Korean and Japanese (from an event we did in undergrad for international students) -- we all switched places (Abbie wore a Korean dress, I wore a yukata from Japan, Satomi, our Japanese friend wore an wrap from Uganda -- where Abbie grew up -- and I dressed Miri up in an overly typical American style). We walked on stage one by one and said a greeting (me: Konichiwa) sang our songs and then said thank you (Arigato). "Meri-san no hitsuji, hitsuji, hitsuji, Meri-san no hitsuji, kawa i-i-na!" The Korean song was to the Mary/Lamb melody, but actually translates into "my airplane" "Tuhtah tuhtah beehengi narara narara, nopi nopi narara, Uri Beehengi (my airplane)." Yes, after 4 years I still remember it!! : ) I don't what it is with me and singing in other languages -- I find myself singing "Bheegey hont" in the shower all the time now! haha. : ) (Sorry for that diversion...been reminiscing a lot lately).

And yesterday I finally picked up my new car!!! Will try to blog some pictures soon of it! It's a standard (manual shift), 2005 Toyota Corolla, and will hopefully last me for many, and I mean MANY years to come! I'm excited, and after a shaky drive home (hey, I didn't stall out, except when my Mom stopped short ahead of me in her van, thinking I wasn't behind her), I was happy. Today I drove my Mom in it, (she's never driven a standard and thinks I'm crazy for doing it), and to the bank we were a little shaky: (Mom): "Why is it making that noise? Why is it revving like that? What's a clutch? (holding on to the sidebar on the car door) Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Then, a very smooth drive home from the bank: (Mom) "Okay, so you like driving standard? So, you just need to get used to the clutch? So, maybe you could teach me or your sister how to drive a standard?" YES!!! Sure, I will!!!! Hahaha....so Mom's finally settled down. So, please, anyone want to go for a ride?

I'm also going to be applying for Spring admission into PhD programs at Penn State, Tufts University and University of Virginia ecology/entomology programs. I'll keep you posted on that! And, what I would love to see happen, is my application to an ecology program in Belfast to work out. I really and truly do miss England.

Cait is doing her first rotation in OB-GYN and as far as I've heard hasn't gotten to deliver a baby yet, hopefully, fingers crossed, she will. I think she might like the OB part....not sure on the GYN! She's got 4 weeks in OB and 2 weeks in GYN. I'm excited for her, and really proud too. Jared is settling into the Navy really well and as far as I know getting along nicely with his CO and XO. So, let's hope that stays, especially when they really get into the swing of things. He's studying to pass a test because he's been assigned to operations intelligence for the ship, am not sure what that entails (he was 'not at liberty to disclose that information'). But am proud of him too. The loser though, bought himself a queen size bed!!! WHAT!? Sigh, he's got it made!

Oops, not all of them got on the post, let me try again!

Chinatown!! See the pretty gate there, we all ate dim sum! (l-r) Abbie, Miri, Jasmine, Kim and me

Shooting the breeze in the metro, aka, goofing off...we were a silly bunch!

My, Miri, what nice eggs you have there! : ) hahaha

Telling stories to each other, he's such a smiler!!!

~I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
Flew too high
And like Icharus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
To give and die.....
Take my world apart......
Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or rend the spear and watch the blood and water flow?
Did you really have to die for me?
For all I am and who You are
For what I see and what I believe
Oh, worlds apart....~

I am determined to put one foot infront of the other
Keeping my eyes forward, instead of looking down
Instead of looking back

Why lose hope, who lose faith?
That pain is more unbearable than any physical affliction
That pain is more searing

No, I open my life's book to a new chapter
A new plot to live out, new friends to make, choices to take
Hopefully not another heart ache!

I have a goal, and I need to reach it
I need to stop defining myself by certain things
My leg is not me, I am not it

I was proud of all I could do
I took those blessings for granted, I never thought...
That's right, I never thought.

But who is me? I am Rachael.
I attributed all my good qualities towards overcoming with my leg
But they were inside me to begin with

Just because I climbed that mountain
Wasn't the reason for my empathy, for my sensitivity
No, it was just me. Not it, not the leg.

Those seeds of character were inside me
All along, not manifested because of my leg
Me, I was, long before I was born here.

In the life conceived for me
My leg is secondary, my heart is primary
I choose what to believe, what to feel deeply

I am me
I need to know that to be free
I can't judge me by the leg I see
All I need to know is I am me

Then I won't fly too high
Then I won't collide with the world that sees the leg
Then I can rid myself of all but love; to give and die

Worlds apart
No pride in the price of sacrifice
Just simple, honest pleasure in loving the world in its weaknesses
And loving me, as He does.

Here are some pictures from my fun weekend (last week). I finally got to see some close friends after 2 years apart for most of them! It was great! The cool thing about good friends is that they're like a cup of tea: warm, refreshing, even after 10 sips!.....so it is with friends, you can pick up your tea cup, as if those 10 sips never happened, things are still warm, refreshing and uplifting. Two of them I won't see for some time again, so it was important for us all to get together, for one last time. : ) (Ofcourse, I had to make the promise that I would not get married in the next few years....HAHAHA!!!! -- I said, "Don't worry, there's nobody on my horizon right now...and I wouldn't dream of having a wedding without you in it!") Miri and I also sang our rendition of "Someday My Prince Will Come" ; ) It felt like old times....especially with Miri and I taking the night shift until 5:30am! : ) Anyways, when I rode the metro back into the city with Miri and Abbie, I went home with Miri for a few hours in Maryland. We watched the World Cup....Zidane...sigh...what were you thinking? It's like those "yah Mama" jokes in the States -- in one ear, out the other -- but headbutting? In my book, no matter what someone else says to you, physical violence is never acceptable. But enough of my thoughts on that....I also got to see Miri's new nephew!!!!!!! I'm Emo chingu now!!!!! : ) (Aunt's friend)...and he was so cute. It was great holding him and made me remember times past of holding little Oxa. Anyways, enjoy the pictures! These are girls who really mean the world to me.

Emo chingu Rachael with Emo Miri and little Joseph

*sigh*......"whew, made it!"

I survived walking both dogs at the same time. I mean, the last time Maggie, Caitlin's puppy, was here, she was only 30ish pounds or so, and easily handled at the same time as my lab, Toula. Unfortunately, puppies grow up, eh? and therefore I now have a holy terror of 50+ pounds. Let me just say, that I am the fortunate survivor of an absolutely big mistake! Never, and I repeat, never walk two big dogs at the same time, who can't keep their bloody paws off each other, and who think it's a huge game: 'Who Can Wrap Rach with the Leash the Fastest?' : ) I feel like I've torn both shoulders, and jammed all fingers, and cut off all circulation to my wrists.....It wasn't until the last third of the mile walked that they finally began to walk at my pace and together. In all fairness, individually, both dogs are pretty good on the leash.....well, Maggie is still kind of learning. But together.....they are holy terrors.

I got my workout and then some......

Anyways, I locked myself up in my parents room so I can be on the computer, but Maggie keeps ramming the door trying to get in and coming around to the bathroom door (it's all connected in their apartment) and barking loudly, non-stop. *sigh*.....I know if I let her in, the terror will begin all over again....and I will suffer the horror of being drenched in puppy slime and having my ear drums burst by puppy barks. And yet, when nighttime roles around (I sleep on a mattress on the floor), I seem to have a pillow buddy.....um....wait, let me rephrase that.....a pillow/bed HOG! And suddenly she turns very sweet and needy. I guess part of it is that she hasn't been away from Cait before and she's adjusting....well, maybe.....but I think she just lacks any and all social skills. ; ) She's learning....have to keep reminding myself that, and poor Toula too.

Alright, the barking has turned to crying.....she's a spoiled baby!!!!!
WE'VE CREATED A MONSTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (her pic is down below on an earlier post.....WARNING: looks can be deceiving!!!!!!)